


kissing her and thinking of you...

by Robyn2607



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 06:52:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12206070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robyn2607/pseuds/Robyn2607
Summary: Lena prefers monogamy but she's settling for Kara





	kissing her and thinking of you...

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know what this is...
> 
> All mistakes are my own

She’s standing over there, chatting animatedly to the muscular guy who plays soccer for the college. She’s twirling her hair around her finger and her eyes sparkle like Christmas lights. She’s wearing my checked shirt. The black and yellow one that suits her so much better than me. It fits me better, hanging looser on her, but my heart doesn’t swell the same way when I wear it myself.

She’s talking to the footballer and I’m reaching for another drink.

Lucy is trying to set me up with another one of her friend.

_Lena, I swear this one is full gay. And you have so much in common!_

_Luce, are our similarities being gay and liking music?_

She always furrowed her brows when she was trying to come up with an idea or, in this case, an excuse. Her frown had always permeated their debate classes back in high school.

_She also watched Game of Thrones?_

_Jesus Christ Lucy who doesn’t. Please give up on this doomed quest to set me up. I’m happy with my current relationship status._

_No one’s happy being a dirty little secret._

Poor Lucy. She was always the recipient of my glares. She was always the one to call out my bullshit though. It must be hard for her. She was watching me jeopardize my sanity for Kara all over again. It won’t be like last time though. If Kara goes back into denial I already have a therapist. Dr. Leatham knows Lexapro works better than Prozac.

The aux had obviously changed hands. The music had gone from top 40 to the reggaetón. People were no longer idly chatting. There were people making out in every corner, people grinding in the living room

I didn’t know the girl currently backed up against me but we were both lowering drinks and having good time. She had an infectious smile and was singing along to the lyrics. She’s _Hispanic and proud baby_. She has every right to be. The roll of her ‘r’s and accent was making me forget all about a certain blonde and her footballer.

When she grinded her body against me to the beat I couldn’t help but beam. This girl was igniting my senses and I was living for it. She turned to me, hearing my groan. I pulled her closer so we were now pressed against the wall. We were moving to the music still but the eye contact was creating a different tension. I glanced to her lips in question. She smirked back, daring me. She had made every move up until now. She suggested shots, she suggested dancing, she started grinding. She was testing me.

Without further hesitation I leaned forward and captured her lips in my own. She tasted of cherry and tobacco. It was oddly pleasing and I felt her tilting into the kiss. It became heated quickly, like most drunken kisses.

I’m not sure how long we kissed. It’s for longer than I initially intended however. A quick kiss, potential make-out, enough to feel something other than jealousy tonight. I hadn’t intended to move to couch for the remainder of the party. She suggested we should move to my room upstairs but I said we’re good here. And we were. We were good until her friends came to say they were moving on. When I didn’t protest her leaving she went, not before inserting herself into my contacts.

The music changed to country along the way which means it’s only the ladies of Sigma Gama Phi left, with their friends and significant others. Out the back where they’re huddled around the fire I notice a missing member. Without my asking Lucy informed me she went to bed not long after I made my friend.

Logically I shouldn’t feel guilt.

I witnessed her making out with her footballer first.

Realistically, I still do.

Her room is empty but her keys are still on her desk. My phone is in my room but the call is unnecessary when I spot the lump under my duvet. Her clothes are kicked at the end of my bed but my pajamas are missing. Slipping into a large tee I contemplated my next move. Three options.   
1\. Try get into bed beside her without waking her.   
2\. Wake her and talk, most likely fight.  
3\. Move to her bed and actually sleep.

Knowing I would regret it tomorrow if I avoided the problem I slumped onto bed. There was a slight movement under the cover. Pulling back the sheet I slipped under. This side of the bed was cold. This was usually her side.

I pushed the cover down enough to see her head resting on the very edge of my pillow. Unable to resist I reached forward and ran my hand through her hair. It had all fluttered in front of her face.

_Don’t_

Her voice was hoarse. It meant she had been crying. I loathed when she cried. Especially when it was my fault.

_Talk to me_

I was lying on my side. Willing her to look at me. I needed to see there was still something behind her eyes. They always gave her away.

_Talk to you and say what. I’m hurt? I’m sad? I’m devastated but there’s no legitimacy behind my pain because we’re technically not an item?_

She looked at me and I regretted my wish. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. Mascara stained her cheeks.

_Our status isn’t my choice._

I didn’t mean my words to sound so bitter. Even in the darkness of my room I can see her eyes well.

_This all feels so new to me. It’s hard coming to terms._

If she had chosen different words maybe I wouldn’t have scoffed.

_New? Really Kara? In high school you cheated on James with me for three years. We’ve been secretly dating for nearly six months now. You experimented with Lucy while I was institutionalized for fuck’s sake._

She flinched at my mention of St. Mary’s. She blamed herself for my breakdown. She had ended her relationship and gone off the grid for the three months while I was there. Lucy had mentioned binge drinking and possible drug use. It hadn’t fully been our situation however that caused my brief demise. My father’s death, my brother’s arrest, and my mother’s rejection were all contributing factors.

_I’m sorry. I just meant the new ‘us’. We’ve always been best friends first, romantic second. I just don’t want to lose my best friend in this all._

I knew she was being genuine but that didn’t help my confusion.

_How would monogamy ruin our friendship. It would just legitimize the other side of our relationship._

In the moments that followed I could see the walls being stripped. She was on the precipice of revealing whatever was holding her back.

_Kara … I’m your person, you know that. You can tell me anything._

She sniffed as she ran her hand over her face. She was getting worked up again.

_My Dad was my Mom’s person and vice versa. Jeremiah was Eliza’s person. Maggie was Alex’s person. My family can’t do relationships. Each is doomed to fail. There is always secrets and deception. It always ends in resentment. I can’t lose you. I wouldn’t rather die single with you in my life than have you hate me._

I reached forward pulled her closer. She fought me for a moment but eventually relaxed, her sobs dampening my tee as she clung to it. I allowed her cry for a while. This felt pent up, overdue. When her cries subsided to sniffs I spoke.

_Your parents and adopted may have lied to each other but there was real love there. I can tell from your stories and by knowing you. You ae such a loving, caring and kind person it is obvious they weren’t completely heartless. As for Alex and Maggie, well they’re going to be back together in no time. Maggie lied and that sucked. But she lied about her past in an attempt to protect Alex. They still adore each other and they’re working it out. All your examples were unique to the people. We’re not them Danvers._

I moved so we were face-to-face. Using the duvet cover I wiped her cheeks to which she giggled.

_You’re gonna stain it._

_So what. It’s a worthy cause._

I kissed her forehead tentatively. When she only sighed and closed her eye I felt relieved.

_You’re my best friend Kara. You were my first friend when the Luthor’s adopted me. You were my only friend when Lex hurt those people._

I winced. I always winced at the thought. How could someone so seemingly normal set off a bomb that near a school. It was pure luck that it had been triggered early and no child was present. That pregnant lady had been however.

_You’re not your family._

Kara’s words dragged me from my thought spiral. She was staring at me. I threaded one of my hands through the one she had placed on my cheek.

_Neither are you._

The kiss was tentative at first. I think she leaned in first. It was light and lasted only a few seconds but it was enough. It was enough to offer hope for tomorrow. It was enough to assure me when I woke up in the morning Kara would still be in my arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly just posted this so I'd stop rewriting it. Feedback/ Comments appreciated.


End file.
